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Old 12-17-2010, 02:17 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,828

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm confused about how to have integrity in this situation and remain true to myself and my values. I have been asked to have a DADT of sorts with Mono and I feel it brushes up against the value I have of being honest. I figure if I can't talk about what I do, then I should bloody well not do it. But then that brushes up against Mono's need for me to have as much freedom as possible, with some limits. What do I go with here? My need for honesty and openness or his need for me to have as much freedom as he can bare and therefore not tell him stuff.

I'm stumped and confused and tired and just plain sad. I want to disappear from it all and hide in my room alone, pretending I don't exist for awhile.
There is a distinct difference between dishonesty, being discreet and a DADT policy. You, I think, are being asked to be discreet. He isn't asking to know nothing, he is asking for you to be discreet about details that he finds painful. At least thats my take on it. I look differently at discretion than you do however, I find it is something I can build a relationship on. I am an open book, but there are some things I like to have between us. It creates a nice private bond, which I enjoy with my partners.

I am actually putting a blog post together about this because it is related to my relationships right now.

Instead of having the extremes, hist need for you to absolute freedom vs you need for absolute freedom to communicate, why not try and find something in the middle to work with.
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