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Old 12-16-2010, 08:29 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

So there has been more drama come out of my night with Leo. His wife was jealous...

I didn't get a chance to find out why until today. I managed to meet him for a very quick coffee and catch up on how our respective partners are doing. It seems that there have been some struggles with our having alone time together in my room....

Mono and I have worked it out to a large extent. It sounds like the issue was more about the energy that Leo and I created in his space than anything else. I can't help that, I can monitor what I do in actions, but not in energy... it is just not possible.

We give so much to our relationship Mono and I, he pushes himself and so do I. This poly/mono thing is very hard for both of us... yet we do it. We love each other so much, it's worth the effort and sacrifice... It is going to be compromises from here on in I think... rather than boundaries. That is just how it is.

Leo's wife is struggling because he is so happy when he has been out with me. I make his depression lift and he comes home beaming. She is unable to do that in his life and so she is jealous and angry that she gets to deal with the depressed Leo while I get the not depressed one.

I pointed out that that isn't true. I get to see him once a month for a few hours and we enjoy our time. I don't want more, but he goes home with that energy and uses it to benefit his home life. It turns out he has been suppressing it though. I asked him not to do that, but he thinks that she will be more angry. I suggested that he tell her that his happiness through my involvement in his life would benefit her if she were willing to allow it in her life as a positive, but she isn't there yet. She is jealous of me on many levels and this is just icing on the cake... there is nothing I can do, but let them sort it out I think.

I have not been in a situation like this before. I have never had a female metamour in terms of a wife before either... a whole other ball of wax it seems.

I let him know that I would like if we could be trusted friends and that she come to me with some stuff that goes on for her, but I realize I am not going to be that in her life. I am here for her, she knows that. I advocate for her every time I see him. I remind him to leave his store early sometimes and go home to be with her. I give him ideas about what she might be going through, what might be nice for her. The first thing we talk about is her. Her happiness effects mine and everyone elses... its important to me that my metamours are happy with me and with their relationships.

So, we left each other with thoughts of next month... no bedroom visits for awhile, he needs to give his wife some attention and Mono is in charge of when I can have a visitor again for now. I want to be able to give him some of his energy back. I want him to know that I respect his space and that he has a say in what I do in there as people I invite need to travel through his space to get to mine.
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