Well, it's been about 2 weeks since the last post here. Quite a lot has happened.
We were earlier trying to decide if I should blog here, or leave it as Lotus's sacred space. We've decided to share the blog, and I'll just self-censor anything that's too intense. I meant to do this much earlier, but with two relationships, time is precious, as I'm sure you guys know. =)
So Mouse and I have been officially dating for just over 3 weeks now. Things are going pretty well, but not quite how I expected.
The chemistry between mouse and myself has always been pretty intense, but we were always unable to do anything to express it physically. Once we started dating, we quickly shared our first kiss. Lotus asked us not to rush into having sex, so we didn't. Two weeks go by, and I again ask my wife how she feels about it. We talked for a while, and she decided to release us to do whatever we wished. We negotiated boundaries, 'no sex in the bedroom' is one, of course safety for everyone is a must. I was delighted, and perfectly willing to accept those rules.
At about that time, some issues that belong to Mouse started to come to a boil. Her other boyfriend, B, has long been having marital problems. B's wife is not Poly, and has not told B that he can be either. The wife knows that Mouse is involved with her husband, and she HATES it. Things have become steadily more tense, and in response, B was becoming more and more secretive.
So Mouse started worrying about their future relationship. She was deeply in love with him, and is/was very reluctant to walk away from him, but voiced her concern anyway. This lead to the lies. He promises that he'll leave his wife, that he'll move out of state with her so that they don't have to deal with his wife and children. He says he wants to start over and create a new life with her. Mouse is getting depressed, I'm getting annoyed because my shiny new relationship is being tarnished by this guy's actions.
Now this leaves me in a bit of a pickle. Do I call him the dishonest, manipulative coward that I believe him to be, and thereby make myself his enemy? (Which could be very bad, since if Mouse had to choose, I believe she would choose him because they already have a well established, if not functional, relationship) OR do I try to support Mouse and bite back my growing frustration? In the end I chose to do a bit of both. Things here haven't ended yet, but it looks like they soon will, so here's hoping for the best.
So between Mouse's failing disaster of a relationship with B, and the nervousness about Lotus's somewhat infamous temper, physical intimacy is still an issue. I worry about the possibility that waiting as long as we did since the NRE first kicked in has allowed us to become to used to boundaries being in place, and that we might never be comfortable sharing ourselves with each other. The relationship is still new, so I'm trying hard not to jump to conclusions. After all, we talk every day, and see each other all the time. Worst case scenario: we end up deciding to be really good friends, right?
I have been shocked by the sheer power of the emotions I've been going through. I'm sometimes very surprised by a sudden need to hear Mouse's voice, or see her face. The level of anger and protectiveness that rises up inside when I think about what B is doing, it's astonishing and kind of scary. When I make a physical advance, and Mouse is nervous and starts to pull away, I let her go and try to move on and make her laugh, but the sense of rejection cuts me to the very core of my soul.
Lotus is handling this all very well, and she listens with compassion as I confide what I'm going through, even though I know it hurts her. She still loses her temper occasionally, but we are working though our communication issues, and she gets better at recovering herself every time. It's like arguing with a completely different person. =D She has decided that she might like to have a boyfriend after all, and I support that decision 100%. She's created a profile on a popular dating site, and the inquiries have already started coming in.
Thats all, good night for now, dear readers.
Last edited by Pantheist; 12-16-2010 at 12:35 AM.