Originally Posted by Catfish
.... I feel like something in me has broken. .... I can't seem to find a name for it. But it broke. And I am slowly beginning the long road to repairing it. ....
My impression, CatFish, is that you wanted
to sail off into these uncharted waters and that you ultimately have no regrets about leaving shore, leaving even mapped familiar territory.... Perhaps you did not expect to sail over the edge of the world ... to be floating in unfamilar space, unknown and unnamed. Emotionally, that is. Maybe your head expected it, but maybe your heart didn't anticipate this weightlessness, this absense of the familar compass and maps....
It's one thing to project oneself down the road, down the river, up a creek ... in 3-D Technicolor -- all imagined, forseen...; ... and another to be freefalling, freefloating -- like a child going to school on day one. Or taking the bicycle, alone, round the block the first time. Or hitting the ramp on it. (I busted my head open and spilled blood enough to frighten grandmothers.)
Nothing is broken closed here. It's all busted wide open. The old landmarks don't mean what they once did. So, congratulations. You're on the road to ... not nowhere, but now here. Call it eutopia (a good place). And let it be so, Capn. Let it be so! For all that's being lost here is a too-small cage for a just rightly sized yourself.