I have so much I want to write about and I am having a hard time figuring out how to divide it up into semi-comprehensible blocks. I want to write about my own relationship and understanding of poly. I want to write about my relationship with my partner, A, and how we came to this place in our lives. And I want to write about this new budding relationship we have with our friend K...
The 'failed' friendship I wrote about in my last post was such an eye-opener for A and I. When I told him that I had a crush on our friend, he wasn't furious, he said he thought it was sweet. We started to hang out more and more and more and eventually A admitted to having feelings for her too. There was so much push and pull with her, sometimes it seemed so obvious that she was interested too but then she would completely retreat only to come back again. I really regret not having the internal confidence and external vocabulary to deal with the situation in a more mature way. If only I had found this place then, I know for sure you guys would have whipped me into shape.
Another thing that I did not at all expect was that A and I's mutual interest in her brought us so much closer as a couple. It was so liberating, being able to be honest with each other and enjoy each others autonomy together...(I think that makes sense). It was so intense and there were so many more feelings there than I thought possible. I truly do love him more for it.
After I had finally broached the long over-due subject, the friend immediately went out and got a boyfriend (after seeming entirely uninterested in 'dating' for 9 months or so), we saw each other less and less and now we hardly talk at all. This was three months before A and I's wedding. We went thru a bit of a recovery period during that time but we would talk about how amazing it would be to find something like that again, preferably with someone who was actually interested.
Honestly, I felt it was pretty impossible but I daydreamed about it a lot. There is so much stereotyping about "gross" couples looking for threesomes that I just didn't think we could ever get past it. This is when I started doing research into open relationships and learning about poly. I luckily live in a really poly friendly area but couples looking to date together still seem pretty frowned upon.
During that three months before the wedding and the four months after I've been thinking a lot about what my ideal life would be and I'm coming to the conclusion that I would be most happy if I could have both a man and a woman in my life. We'd also done a lot of talking together and we both felt that the most ideal way for us to be in an open relationship is if we could be close with each others metamours (new wold for me) but we really most wanted that experience of being able to share that with the same person. I've been pretty skeptical about the reality of this, I mean what are the odds that we can find someone that we are both interested in thats also interested in both of us, right?...
And then there was K.