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Old 12-15-2010, 08:09 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Sunny CA
Posts: 293

Hi - It's been a while. Getting a doctorate is a real pain in the ass.

I just re read the above post. I ended up talking to O about this a couple of times. Once due to my fear that being so busy would tear us apart, and another because my work was stressing me out for REAL.

It is truly amazing how stresses in your every day life can impact your ability to deal with anything emotional.

I worked through a lot of that, and am amazed at his patience and am in complete love with him. Someone on here said (RedPepper, i think) that I seem to feel like my relationship is built on sand, and to test it would help prove myself some things - to make it feel more solid. The past 3 months has been a test, for sure.

After freaking out over something STUPID one night, and worried that my lack of availability would force O into someone else's arms, I almost revoked the open relationship clause. He got very angry and defensive about the whole thing, and I felt I just couldn't deal with any more emotional stress on top of my work. I was about to cave. Then about a week later I ended up making out publicly with one of my closest friends here... another girl. We were all at a club and well, we just spent the whole night locked together. haha. It was great and I was very glad I didn't revoke our agreements at that point.

I think over the past several months I have had a couple of aha moments. I've heard people talk about this before... but I am VERY sure that I am bi now. I think past to all the fantasies as a teen, and several very peculiar nights spent with my best-friend/neighbor that I never allowed myself to realize were my very first sexual experiences because she was a girl...

I feel like this really isn't all that big of a deal, but I know there are those that struggle with these realizations. I have no intention of sharing this with family... They will never be faced with it, so why should they know, which probably helps my comfort level.

so, any advice for a newly discovered bi girl??

Also, O's last serious relationship ended by opening it up so she could pursue a relationship with another female. This ultimately ended with her cheating on him (even though he tried to be communicative) and leaving him for her.

So - the fact that I have both slept with and made out with 2 other women recently is very real for him. I think I still had the school of thought where if it's a girl, it "doesn't count". hm. Interesting social conditioning there. Thing is, I really have no interest in random girls... just my friends. I think it's because I trust them, and already love them in a way. now - it is completely out!

Regardless, I still get wormies with regards to O and other girls. I need to remind myself about the above situations when I do, and how I love him more because he lets me be myself.
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