Originally Posted by redpepper
Poly is a lifestyle choice I think. You might be poly in nature, but when it comes down to it, the question is ultimately, can you pull it off. If you can go through the tremendous strain and hardship to get to a relationship with yourself and many others that is incredible and deep then you will have a successful and manageable a poly relationship dynamic I think.
If this is what you think you are heading then put the work in and figure it all out with the other women you love... that is where we all started pretty much and that is your start.... lucky for you there is an entire forum of knowledge to wade through... hope it helps
Redpepper, I have to respectfully disagree with one small part of your post. I do not believe that being poly (speaking for myself) is a lifestyle choice any more than being GLBT is a lifestyle choice. In me, poly is hardwired in my brain. I can not be monogamous by any stretch of the imagination. I don't know of this is a personality defect on my part or what.. It is who I am. The toughest part was admitting it to myself and accepting myself. The rest of your post is dead on though.. Poly is work and it is complex and it is really tough to be as honest as it seems to require to be poly. I have lost relationships where the other party could not accept me for me, and it hurts.... After that personal acceptance is when things got easier (no moral high ground here.. Failed sooner and regrouped earlier is all). I found that I had to work on myself and admit some things to myself before the rest of the relationships fell into place.. It is much easier if your lovers are also poly if only for the common ground factor.