hierarchical poly is so confusing sometimes. I find it to be a useful thing at the beginning of exploring poly but after a time Vetos, primary/secondary and all that get tiresome and don't work anymore... perhaps this is where you are heading... why label yourself? You can describe her as you see fit and so can she. If she has moved on to someone more suitable as a partner for her everyday needs, then that is a good thing no? You aren't as available, but that doesn't mean you are worthless to her.
After one has started a poly relationship it becomes all about negotiating boundaries rather than veto and primary/secondary relationships... I am finding that far more respectful and workable.
I am wondering if you have had a chance to read around the forums a bit... do some tag searches, look at the stickies. You might find some stuff helpful to you in your situation and just helpful in your dynamic in general.
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