You need to ask permission? Your wife has veto? I can't see how this would be healthy. Is this not your life and your decision? Why should others have a say in that; girlfriend, wife, whomever.
Poly causes pain. That's just part of it. It is the difference between making poly a lifestyle choice or not. Some see the worth of the pain as there is gain as an end result most of the time and some don't. Whether we are naturally poly or not is irrelevant to me, its how much you are willing to face your shit that makes poly workable. If you aren't and if everyone is worried about you being in pain and you do as they say, then perhaps this lifestle is not for you. That is for you to decide, not your wife and not your girlfriend and not any of us. Its your life and your choice.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM