View Single Post
Old 12-14-2010, 10:53 PM
zonino zonino is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
Default Have you ever given up poly for a mono relationship?

Hello there. I'm in the 14th month of a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend. I am a 31 year old, straight male and she is 25 and straight. I love my girlfriend more than anything and we have so many good time together.

I have always felt polyamorous but never really heard about it until the past year or so. I didn't know something like poly was widely accepted and up until I researched it, I had almost exclusively dated bisexual girls who had expressed interests in having threesomes with another female. That never really worked out since it usually resulted in jealousy and the whole acceptance of a threesome was only to lure me into a relationship.

My girlfriend and I started out as just two lonely people, both of us recently out of another relationship. We met on a dating site and both of us were just about to delete our profiles when she contacted me. We met a week later and what I thought would just be a friendship turned into something sexual on the first night. But for four months, our relationship wasn't an official relationship.

During this four months, I got to know her best friend (27, female). It seemed like her and I really connected to one another. She was very sexually open and had no shame about talking about her sexual adventures with other people.

Two months into knowing one another, my girlfriend moved in with her best friend. And I kind of moved in as well, and the best friend/roommate didn't mind at all. However, there were times when my girlfriend was away and it was the best friend and I home alone. We would have interesting conversations. Some about sex. We seemed to click very well together. Although she let me know she had a history of friends' boyfriends taking interest in her.

The best friend seemed to have been dropping me many hints as to how she felt about me. This led to me sneaking into her room one night and almost having sex with her. But we mutually decided it was a bad move. She would not let me leave her room though. We kissed passionately for about an hour.

I tend to worry that I'm addicted to love and just throw the word 'love' out to anyone, but I told her I loved her and asked if she loved me back. Her response was "I don't know." About a day later I confessed the whole story to my not-yet-then girlfriend. She cried but understood and thanked me for being honest. They both had a talk and they seemed fine. My not-yet girlfriend and I decided that we should take time off from one another.

It was during this break that I had spent time with an old female friend. I did not love this girl anymore than as just a friend. Yet she persuaded me to sleep with her. I felt dirty and refused to sleep with her a second time. To which her crazy response was to call the police and have me kicked out for refusing to leave. Mind you, I was many miles from home without my car. I could only call one person. Not-yet girlfriend.

She picked me up and we talked. I told her everything. She consoled me. I was really feeling all sorts of weird.

It was about a week later that we had a conversation about what happened between me and her best friend. I said I couldn't help myself and that I loved both of them. She offered to step aside and let me have a chance with her best friend if I wanted to. I said I couldn't. I knew her first and I had spent the most time with her so I would stay with her. A week or so after that is when we became serious. I was somewhat ashamed of loving two people at once and I tried to tell her how I was and that I couldn't help it. She accepted me, but I know that she would never go for a polyamorous relationship.

I have plenty of female friends that are attractive and I am not in love with them. I love them as friends. But I have fallen in love easily with other girls, but not all, so of course it can't be that I fall for every girl I meet.

I feel like I should just be happy with what I have and just throw out the idea that I've ever felt polyamorous at all.

I have always envisioned myself having 2 or 3 girlfriends who all loved me and loved one another as well. That is the kind of love I want. But I feel as if I should just accept what I have. I don't ever want to sadden her. I'll tell her her cooking sucks. But I don't know if I should ever tell her how I really feel.

Any one else ever been through this ordeal?
Reply With Quote