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Old 12-13-2010, 11:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaThorn View Post
I think three needs some balance . . . We just been having trouble . . . We've been thinking about adding someone else.
Three is a very balanced number if the three people are balanced.

I don't think adding another person, like an extra ingredient to a recipe that isn't working, would do much to help. Not only that, but what fourth person would want to be added like that to a situation that needs help? It's rather unkind to do that to another human being, and would be such a burden on them! Why should it be that person's job to fix the three of you -- what would she get out of it? What would you give her, actually? Not much, if the three of you are already in such bad shape. I may be new to polyamory, but if I were invited into that kind of dynamic, I'd be like, "Ick, I'm outta here."

Self-examination is what you all need. What is the problem in your present relationships? What do each of you want and need from each other? What is getting in the way of having those wants and needs met? Better to look inside, not outside. Talk, get in therapy, be compassionate to yourselves and each other. If it's broken, fix it (whether that means staying or leaving), but don't add people.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 12-14-2010 at 12:03 AM.
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