update: our girl is coming!
Hello everyone. First of all thank you to everyone who responded to me so kindly and helpfully. And thank you to everyone who makes this forum happen - even though I don't post much since I'm such a beginner, I've been on here just about every day for the past several months and have learned so much from all of you.
A lot has changed since I posted last and I've been meaning to update. The main thing is that my husband's girlfriend (who has moved to the opposite side of the country) and I have become very close - through long emails almost daily, and sending each other letters, packages and videos (of ourselves reading stories and poems or just talking). It has been an unexpected and lovely development, and I have found myself in NRE even more than my husband is! They have had a similar correspondence too of course, and also spoken on the phone a few times, which we haven't.
Now she will be coming for a 2-week visit (which I think she'll spend maybe half of with us). She'll be here next Thursday. I'm both excited and terrified. I guess my main fear is that I will be overwhelmed by pain and jealousy, as I was when I first found out about this in the summer. From a distance it's all very well, but it's about to become much more real. They will want to have a night alone together, sex will not be off the table this time and I have no idea if I'll be able to handle that.
I'm also nervous about bonding with her: in our emails we have gotten to the point of saying "I love you" to each other, but we've only met in real life twice, and both of those times were very painful to me. I guess it's just normal uncertainty and I just need to wait and see what kind of chemistry arises naturally between us. But I also feel there's a lot of pressure to have her visit go well, since she is thinking about moving back here sometime next year, and I'm sure that how this visit goes will play a role in her decision.
So, I would welcome any words of advice or encouragement! Any red flags? (you guys are so good at noticing them!) I guess I will have more specific questions or issues to talk about, during and after her visit.