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Old 12-13-2010, 06:47 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I agree that it seems you did make things more complicated than they needed to be. In your first post, you said that her seeing someone else wasn't against your rules, and yet you are upset that the rules "kept changing." You were able to see her once a week, but you couldn't enjoy being with her because you were focused on her relationship with the other guy instead of what you two had together. Why should it matter whether she labels you her primary, secondary, tertiary -- or her little nincompoop, for that matter -- as long as you are having a good time and enjoying each other's company? I have to say, it seems that you let yourself become a bit clingy and possessive. It sounds like you got caught up in a whirlwind and did not want to come back down to earth. And now you're having a tantrum. If I were her, I would have felt as if there were nothing I could do that would satisfy you, or help assuage your insecurities. You would've pushed me away, too! To me, it looks like your broken heart involves an awful lot of wounded pride. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's my take on it -- and I do offer my opinion in the hope that it can be helpful to you in some way. I think the best way you can deal with this is to look at your part, and what you were responsible for in how it all played out.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 12-13-2010 at 06:53 PM.
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