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Old 12-12-2010, 02:16 PM
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whatamIdoing whatamIdoing is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: maryland
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B is having major issues. he has self-esteem problems. he feels ugly and unlovable since he has lost so much weight and his skin is so saggy. I get that I have the same problem. I would love for him to get some therapy but I am not going to be able to force it with him sadly.

I hope that after J's drunken ramblings last night B will see more and more that I slot J in my life in a very different place than I slot him. I think it will take time love and tenderness (to steal from an old Michael Bolton song)... for B to feel more secure. I am trying with him.

If B has the right to contact me when I'm with J (these are J's boundaries btw) then J feels he has the right to contact me when I am with B. This is within reason. I understand why J needed me last night... there were only a few friends he felt close enough to that understood the issue... B understands the issue... but not the need for J to rant to me at midnight....

J was not very articulate in his asking if it was ok for him to take me away from my B time... it just was a communication issue....

B is trying.
B feels really really bad that he's being such a jerk about this. He knows he is having a double standard. He knows he is not being fair.

I have told B over and over and over again, if he can't deal with this then we can leave the lifestyle... and then he says NO... he's torn. so he knows he has to let me do what he's doing but he's hurting over it and it's my choice not to make him "push through" this pain to get to the other side where he can feel more secure in my love and our marriage...

it's weird to me... he's perfectly fine with my being friends with J. he has no problem with my talking to him, seeing him, spending alone time with him... his big issue is that he doesn't think he can deal with me sleeping with him....

that's weird for someone coming from the swing lifestyle... it makes no sense to me at all.... and yet J and I are willing to respect this..... I am not sure how long J will be willing to respect this need of B's but J and I are taking this day by day....

today will be ok.. B has left to go racing. I am home alone (with the adult children) all day.... I will have time to call J later and we can talk for a few hours without feeling like we are impacting on B. IN addition, J will be sober... that will help.

more later as I continue to ramble....

I truly truly appreciate everyone's input and support. and YES I know B is being a JERK and I KNOW that J calling me drunk is NOT a good thing...

More and MORE I am very glad J is 2 hours away.....
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