Originally Posted by Fidelia
I've been following your thread on the New to Poly board, and I want to say that I really admire the way you and J are working together to show B respect, support and consideration as he works through his fear issues. Both your partners are lucky to have you.
That said, something in this post really triggered me, and I need to comment.
This is complete and total BULLSHIT on B's part, and ridiculously UNFAIR to you and J. You can't pursue a relationship, after all this time in a "poly" marriage, but he can sex up his friends whenever he feels like?
Aww HELL NO! *SNAP*
If it were me, this would be the end of the line for the double standard. I would require my husband to choose from either:
A: the end of all extramarital relations so that he could concentrate fully on overcoming his irrational fears, which I would support in the short term by refraining from same, or
B: STFU about his irrational and unfounded fears and allow me the same freedom he has enjoyed for some time now. Perhaps seeing me go out with my bf and come home to him a few times would likely go a long way to calm his fears.
But there is no way in hell I would continue to be one in my marriage doing the lion's share of the work to address HIS problem.
B is struggling so hard to be fair... he has bad self image and no self esteem and he thinks maybe he might want to go back to a conventional marriage and stop swinging... we are just learning about Poly to be honest...
he is trying to let me do this...
another post to explain tonite's mess is forthcoming