MESSAGE CONCERNING THE RISKS OF SAPPINESS:
Many of you may know what sappiness is, or know someone who is a sap. However, you may not be aware that sappiness is a disease that, unless caught in it's early stages, can become completely untreatable and ruin the quality of life for everyone forced to be around the sap. It is most commonly transmitted sexually, but can also be transmitted through physical contact (holding hands, kissing, ect.)
Symptoms of sappiness:
General melancholy or mopiness.
Increased frequency of listening to bands like Morrisey, The Smiths, The Cure, and also My Chemical Romance or any other band that can be classified as "emo".
Annoying inability to talk about anything other than "that girl" or "that guy". Trust us, you'll know the one...
Related to the previous symptom, the complete inability to shut the hell up.
Emotional Emasculation in males.
If you suspect that someone you love is suffering from sappiness, immediately seek treatment. Remember, while there is no cure for sappiness, it is completely treatable in it's early stages, and many victims of sappiness can go years, or even decades, without an outbreak or flare-up if proper treatment procedures are followed.
Verbalized boot in the ass, EG. "Are you going to sit here and mope about her all night, or are you going to get up and do something about this?"
Exposure to fun. This may well have to be forced on the sap by means of physical restraint and possibly even kidnapping them to a public place, as they are often reluctant to leave their homes.
Removal of all offending CDs, MP3, and any other sources of "sap" music from the infected person. (see symptoms for examples, above)
Exposure to large, loud doses of heavy metal and rock music, with the intention of allowing the sap to re-discover their "balls" (applies to both males and females.)
Forced participation in creative outlets that do not, in any way, revolve around the subject of the sap's sappiness.
Friends/family of the infected may also need to monitor and control the infected saps schedule, making sure that there are plenty of activities that will prevent the sap from dwelling on the object of his/her sappiness.
In extreme cases, euthanasia may be required in order to put the sap out of everyone else's misery.
So remember, this highly irritating condition is completely treatable if caught early enough. Don't let someone you know become a sap: Friends don't let friends become saps. Be alert. Be aware.
(LOL. They say humor is the best medication, and if you can't laugh at yourself, then you're really screwed