Originally Posted by SNeacail
I'm willing to bet that it wasn't poly that broke your marriage, instead it probably brought to the forefront other issues that were previously being ignored or dismissed.
When I first saw this - I objected.... NO YOU'RE WRONG!! And spent time composing a very long post as to WHY you were wrong, and why it was all HIS fault or HER fault and then work got in the way and I didn't hit submit because I wasn't yet happy with how it was worded.
It never got posted. I am one of those who will let something rattle around in their brain until it's *right* or until it gets sorted out - usually if it gets sorted out there's crying and tears and conversations involved...
And this morning there was.
And I realized that I've been looking at a lot of this bass-ackwards.
Yes, there were some behaviours that I REALLY didn't like coming from the two of them. Yes, I mostly understood that it was NRE and logically I could see that eventually it would get sorted out and get better.
What I couldn't see, in the pain/anxiety/stress/panick, was my part in everything.
There are things, that, had we never ventured into poly, would never have come to the light, so in that respect, yes... poly broke us.
But the fact that those things WERE brought to light was a good thing. We can fix those things now. And if we venture out into having other relationships again.... we'll be better equipped to handle things.