Originally Posted by pixie
we don't have secrets, I don't make any attempt to hide anything - my fundamental requirement in this relationship is communication and honesty, I've never been so honest with anyone. He just doesn't particularly want to hear about my affairs especially details. He does know about some that come up in natural conversation. He answers honestly when I ask about his. Personally I would prefer we were totally voluntarily open about it all - but I think he struggles with jealousy more than me so I respect his wishes
This is more like an open relationship than DADT. DADT is more like an affair or cheating that is known but not spoken of. If sounds like everyone knows what is going on and who everyone is, but because of the casual sporting nature of it all its not worth getting into it. Would that be what you mean? I got confused because you use the word "affair" to describe. To me that indicates unknown, or barely known.
The thing is that is sounds like this new guy you have deeper feelings for. This can be quite common with the way things tend to go... I too went through a similar process to get to where I am. I wrote about it on my blog and throughout this entire forum... I have been very interested in this process as a whole. You can find something about it in the latter part of my blog if you are interested.
What seems to happen quite often on peoples journey to poly is that they open their relationship or are having casual ones and then it becomes something that just isn't enough or they find someone that opens their eyes to so much more than sex and play. For me it was through swinging and casual dating. I went along having a good time and then I realized, in meeting Mono, that I had not really been present in my own life and that in the partnership I had with PN.
It sounds like you have a journey coming up. To clarify: You have a man that also has sport sex with others and is casual and has NOT met someone that rocks his world and struggles with jealous. You have some feelings that there is something more and you now want to see what that is... you are moving into a different time. Not to mention that this new guy you have met doesn't know what is going on and could either be cool with it just being casual, could scorn you and be disgusted and say good bye, or be into a deep and meaningful connected relationship with you. You just don't know yet.
You have a lot of things to sort out it seems and are on the threshold of an amazing journey. I'm very excited for you and apprehensive as I have been through it (of course it will be your own though) and know what a wonderful fulfilled life you could have.
I hope that you and your partner take the time to read here and talk about what you find. There is so much here on this forum that will help... jealousy tags, vee tags, anything that you could read would help.