Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Well my take is that its common for a man to have 2 wives, yet this guy cheated on his wife and told the gf he'd divorce the wife and remarry the new woman and give her babies. Why, when its acceptable and legal for him to just add a wife, you know?
Maybe he has a better idea of the rigors of polygamy than we do in our culture and doesn't want to deal with two women or thought so at the time... Now he is dealing with two women and proving to be unable to get a grasp on how to manage to make promises to one and stay true to the other.
Poly dynamics are difficult and require a certain amount of assertion and self knowledge, not to mention that everyone is equal and gender roles do not equate quite often. He might very well of fallen into the trap of trying to give them everything and forgetting what his needs are or fulfilling his needs and forgetting what their needs are, or trying to please one over the other two... all very tricky and I think that it is possible that he is not apt at balancing it all out. Why should he, he didn't have to for 9 months. Now he has a whole new game and is still learning what he needs to do to be on top of it.
I think he needs a whole lot of patience and firm asserted boundaries from his women... not to mention I think they need to know what his boundaries are too. Where are his boundaries? What are his notions of what he would like to see happen? I would be very uncomfortable not knowing and would be pestering like mad for a conversation of all three to figure out what they are and to work on an arrangement.