Thread: Coming out
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Old 12-09-2010, 09:38 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
I have no issue with having friends blow up, but my family and I are close and I am petrified of their response, and possible rejection. Because at it's heart, a bad response is a rejection of the life I lead.
What if they reject the life you lead? Will they take their love away? I don't know you or them, but I doubt that. I read in your blog also how wrapped up in your fears you are now. This is something I am going through now as well, trying to separate my feelings from what I need to do to take care of me. I mean, it's okay to be afraid. The hard part is not letting the fear dictate what you do, but rather allowing yourself to feel it, observe it, and then take a step back (somehow) and take care of your needs without getting swept away by the fear or whatever other emotions petrify you.

Good word, petrify -- I was just telling my shrink how rejection is such a strong trigger that immobilizes me and makes me feel unable to function, or at least function well. He said, I need to develop structure in my life that will make me stronger in myself, so that the acceptance or rejection of others does not have such a profound effect on me (I tend to feel crushed and as if I am doomed when I sense rejection from people I care about). He said that this structure I need (and I don't know what it is you need, but just sharing) will give me a foundation so that when rejection or disappointment happens, it only "rattles the windows a little" rather than make me feel like my world is crashing down. I like the phrase he used, because it's not like I have to be so strong that I don't feel the rejection at all, but I can handle the windows rattling.

Edit: I am not saying you should tell them or do anything differently, just to be clear. But I think there is value in examining the fear and finding a way to bump up against it without letting it knock you over. Then, decisions you make will be your own. You may very well choose not to come out to family, and be perfectly satisfied with that choice, but I think it won't be very satisfying if the decision is fear-based.

The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 12-09-2010 at 09:53 PM. Reason: added a little bit more, for clarification
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