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Old 12-09-2010, 11:37 AM
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whatamIdoing whatamIdoing is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: maryland
Posts: 145

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
sooooo.... how come he isn't getting that if he goes and has fun that it isn't any different than you going and having fun... sorry, this conversation seems a wee bit obvious somehow. Am I missing something?
it's easy to be confused in my life Redpepper...

he is going with this friend (he only sees her as a friend not a lover) to help her drop off a horse. they had no plans to get a room even to sleep in (I found out last night that I misunderstood what was happening... they will nap in her truck when they get tired)... it's not a pleasure cruise for him....

now granted he's had a few visits here and there with women in the last few years with my blessing.... and I never have (not because he didn't want me to but just because there was no one I wanted to be with)

the issue for B is that he does not LIKE or TRUST J. He truly believes that J is going to try to take me away from him. I keep asking him if I have ANY SAY in who I'm with... and he says "yes" but yet he feels that J will "win" if there is a choice to be made... I asked him if he trusted me and he said "yes" so I pointed out that if he trusts me he has to believe that I'll be back to him always.

He's not stopping me, he has said he does not think he can deal with my relationship with J being long term... I told him I do not KNOW where my relationship with J is going... I told him that I do have to play this out. I also said that I would RATHER do it openly and honestly than sneak around and cheat on him. I never would have let it get this far if I had known that B really could not deal with it.

I really do not think B can deal with my being fully truly Poly. at least not at this point.

NOW, it may be person specific... but since J is my first I can't believe that it won't ALWAYS be person specific. The funny thing for me is that right now it's person specific for me too... I never considered the possibility of loving two men at the same time.... I don't love J at this point... I don't know if I ever will... I do know I need to see what will happen with us and I would rather do it openly and honestly. I am excited (and fully in NRE which I keep trying to explain to B) and I WANT him to be excited and happy for me... and he's not... and that makes me sad.
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