ya, he sounds a little too vague. Perhaps he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. The thing is though that he will more if he continues to not figure out his stuff.
This sounds like a case of a primary relationship where the secondary wants to be a primary. There can be a lot of pain for someone who does not subscribe to the theory of primary/secondary relationships. Perhaps a conversation on this will shed some light on it for you and her. It could mean that the result is that she expresses that she just wants to be reassured that she is needed and loved by him and that you appreciate her being in his life. Secondaries need support too. This doesn't mean that you have to back down from your boundaries, but meet her half way and address some of hers.
There are some really great threads on what it means to be a secondary. If you do a tag search you should come up with some. There is one called "the secondaries bill of rights" or something along those lines. There is some excellent information in there I seem to remember.
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