well I got home and we talked. it's not going well.
he says i should go and do it but that he is not happy and he won't be happy and he's very sure I am going to leave him for J.
I really feel bad here. I really feel that he's being unfair... it's ok for him to go away with a friend for an overnight trip because he doesn't want to sleep with her, it's ok for him to have female friends that he talks to 2 hours a day every day, it's ok for him to text and flirt with others or try to get with other women but the second I want to try to do this for the first time in EIGHT years of being together, he can't deal.
he said he's willing to give it all up.... but I never got MY chance. and I'm MAD