Honestly, I think you`ll just have to weather the storm. Meaning, he may not be pleased, that you talked to the boyfriend before talking to him. He`s feeling some insecurities currently, and these little things matter. You might not hear what you hope to hear.
In future, when you get a date idea due to schedules all lining up, broach the idea with your husband first. When a spouse is skittish, but trying, these little things really help them feel like they are part of a decision.
Come to think of it, you could still do this. Just be blunt, and say to husband; ' While you are busy, what do you think of me going to see J ?'
You might also give him factual info. A time you will be leaving your house, a time you will be arriving home. Will you stay the night ? Will you want to contact your hubby and let him know you are ok ? All good info.
Then offer to give him a day or so to think about it.
Be prepared to ixnay plans.
Be prepared to be able to make last minute plans.
Be prepared to scramble.
Yes, it does all seem much like you are back in high school, asking if its ok to go on a date with the bad boy. Still, a little goes a long way with these scenarios. Chose your wording carefully.
FTR, I never ask 'permission'.
I always ask what someone thinks, or how they feel. I ask for their input. It means more, and then the spouse doesn`t feel like the 'bad guy' for having feelings.