Since I've been dating, I have mostly been with younger single men. The 3 married men that I dated, who were in open, non-mono, or poly marriages did not work out, b/c these men did not have complete open communication with their wives.
For the past several weeks, I've been PMing with a man who is married, and IDs as non-mono. I took the bull by the horns today and told him I'd like to meet with his wife before he and I got too far into things. He responded by saying I was free to write to her on okc (they live about 50 miles away, so we havent planned to meet til after solstice). He said she'd be happy to share her views on sex, love and marriage with me. This makes me feel pretty good!
He "shows" me he's one of the good guys by taking the time to write long thoughtful PMs about various subjects. A little flirting to keep things a bit spicy (because one doesnt want to feel like one is just talking to one's brother), but no overt sexual come-ons. I also told him I am not into sport sex with no emotions involved, and he responded that feelings of affection at least are also necessary for him to want to have sex. He said he wouldnt be able to give me 100% of himself 24/7 (besides a wife, he has 8 yr old twins), but when he's with someone, he gives 100%. I think that sounds like a pretty good deal, it's how I roll too.
But gosh, I feel so very cautious now...
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years