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Old 12-08-2010, 05:44 AM
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Selene Selene is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: California
Posts: 28
Default The Call

This is...extensive so I wanted to open up with some of my background. It might seem off topic now but it ties in later.

My first attempt at poly wasn't really an attempt on my part. I was 16 and dating my first love, Ryu. It was long distance, with me being on the west coast of the US and him more towards the east. Since I was young when I met him (14) after my parents found out about him, they were kinda skeptical. Eventually he was allowed to call my house for 2 hours at a time (3 on Saturdays) so we could talk on a more private level than online.

It wasn't a very stable relationship, we were both kinda fucked in the head and we fought a lot towards the end of it. We never got to see each other face to face but he cheated on me with our mutual Canada. Looking back on it, the emotional impact on that is very stunted but I was 16, very uncontrolled in my emotions and he was calling her his "girlfriend". After he broke up with me for her....he tried to go poly by involving me and her. Of course his was of explaining it was not so great, along the lines of my being his mistress and her being his mate. I didn't take well to this idea and our relationship ended. When I eventually came out of my depression, I decided that I was done with long distance relationships....I had to be able to see the person to actually have some thing.

I may be facing this decision rather quickly and it isn't a good feeling.

The talk with Ariel and Vegeta...I can't say it went well but it didn't go very badly either. For the most part, everyone was able to keep their shit together although the effort alone was tangible. The only one not there was Andulvar due to his work schedule and he really didn't want much to be there anyhow. The main talk was about the fact that Ariel and Vegeta seemed to be on the avoidance train to fuck-off land every time someone else was in the house. They claimed that they were trying to give everyone more "space". It turned out to be a half-truth as we quickly found out that not only was Ariel uncomfortable with Marius and Company living there so long, she was uncomfortable with the relationship as a whole.

Which means that all the "I love you's" and kissing and holding hands and promises were a cheap and dirty as a low class whore. Wonderful Ariel, way to cheapen my feelings and lie to me. Glad we never fucked.

Oh and Vegeta, who can't speak her own mind to save her life really didn't say if she was actually uncomfortable with everything and didn't say if she was uncomfortable with them even living there. So that was awesome too.

I dragged it out of Ariel that, in SPITE of OFFERING Marius and Company her HOME for AS LONG AS THEY NEEDED IT, surprise, she was uncomfortable the whole time.

Psst...that makes you a fucking liar, Ariel.

Marius and Company are staying with myself and Andulvar now....we have 5 cats which is a lot of hissing and a small space for the four of us. I don't mind it, kinda like it actually. However, Marius still hasn't found a job and she feels really bad about us picking up the tab. I don't mind it, really, she is contributing in her own way...however the drive to be self-sufficient is strong with her so...

If Marius can't find a job by January 10th, she and Company are moving to Ohio with Company's dad. That's a long way from here and not a lot of time. My worry is that they will get stuck out there and not have enough money to come back, it's furthered by the fact that Company doesn't want to live in California and a few other little things.

I'm trying to stay positive but it seems like with the economy the way it is...the likelihood of them leaving is very, very real. I'm still hoping that I can convince them to stay for longer, to give it more time but she's been trying for a job for over a year.

I can't stop them. I know that. It's good that she doesn't want to mooch off others. I almost wished she did, for what? To keep her here? It's selfish of me to think that but I can't help it.

I'm not sure if I could go long distance...for a while, sure. But for how long? How many visits that end in someone leaving can I take? And, what if they don't want to come back? So many questions that I don't have answers for, just like the many dead flowers in my stupid garden.

I do have good news though. My dad found Marius a good source for a possible job so I'm focusing on that. If anything, the time I have right now I am cherishing hardcore. I've also listened to the song, "The Call" by Regina Spektor about 15 times now. Its good, you should check it out.
I'm a pansexual female- married to Andulvar and dating Marius, Company and Thunder<3
Blog: Life in my Circle House
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