Originally Posted by nycindie
Perhaps your focus should be more on the dynamics of your relationship with your wife when one of you meets someone, and let that slowly sink in and see how adding a person to the mix effects you both.
Two months after starting this she met her other partner. That relationship is going strong. We have let the dynamics of that relationship sink in. Its not that I'm trying to rush into something or trying to do one better. Its actually her pushing me to find a partner of my own. This is because as she says she wants me to experiencing the joy of another partner. So my journey of finding another partner started roughly four months ago.
Originally Posted by Somegeezer
I think it is definitely just a case of the majority of men making the rest of us look bad. It's unfortunate, but we can't really help that. Eventually you will find others. Just don't give up on it.
I totally agree with that. This is the response I get from most women is that I'm cheating or doing something bad. Unlike my wife where she basically had guys eating out of her hand. Prior to finding the one their were plenty of jerks in the front of the line. So their were many nights where I found myself apologizing for other mens behaviors.
There seems to be a real lack of investment and vulnerability that people in general give because they are fearful, and they have every reason to be. With some dating sites, daters and the attitude that cheating and casual/non invested sex is the best option, the quick fix, the temporary high, there is little reason to pay attention (this being said after plenty of discussion about how casual sex can be fun and nurturing... just so you know that I know the difference). It's almost become better to be numb, apathetic and lazy when it comes to interactions with others. Either that or just don't have interactions.... .sad, very sad.[/QUOTE]
I can agree with this as well, it seems that all everyone wants is just casual sex. Well I'm different I want more than just sex. Actually I would be happy if we didn't have sex for 6 months. This way a relationship will be able to mature and blossom. So many time have I read that a couple broke up and how hard it was. If people give a relationship time to mature before sex then I believe there would be a lot less heartaches and more long lasting loves. Yes, yes, yes very sad indeed.
Originally Posted by polychronopolous
I have always found that a good way to meet people is not to try. Being motivated to make connections tends to make most people JUST too eager to come across naturally. Someone who is happy where they are and content just to BE has a great chance of having people see then for who they are which tends to make one far more attractive to anyone who is open. Meh, that sounds more like dating advice which is probably not what you were going for. I'll shush now :P
I am always myself, I never try to rush into anything. I do believe that maybe I am to content with what I already have. You know its funny I was just telling my wife that maybe this comes down to not dating in a long time. I feel I've been out of the game to long. So I find myself thinking about how it was when I was much younger. Hey if you got any dating advice for an old fellow then send it my way. Its much appreciated
Originally Posted by NeonKaos
I'm hard-pressed to draw the conclusion that it's easier or more difficult for men or women to find suitable partners in a polyamorous context.
Due to the fact that there are more guys who claim to be poly than females who are poly. I believe that is what makes it easier for the gals instead of the guys. Then couple with the fact that the ones that claim to be poly only to have casual sex with a woman. Really makes it hard for us men that are truly poly or are investing the effort and time to seek out a meaningful relationship. I only base my opinions off of my own experiences and I try not to look in anyones yard. One last contributing factor is that Denver doesn't have a large poly community as other states. So I believe all this plays a part in mans search for poly women.
I also wish us males that are true poly could some how show these women that their are some of us who are thoughtful, caring and loving.