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Old 12-07-2010, 11:36 PM
Levi Levi is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
Default Do I belong here?

Okay, I just stumbled onto the idea of poly as a concept external to my own head, so bear with me.

I began searching for answers because I also fell into an amazing situation in the last few days, and I need help.

I have been married 10 years to a woman who literally feels like she is inside me (does that make sense). We've been together 15 years and our relationship gets better every year (honest).

Still, there were (and still are) some things we didn't really discuss. For instance, I have been with men in the past, but never talked to her about it (this was before we were together, and I still don't know how I feel about it). And I recently discovered that she is also bi-curious (I had opportunity to suspect this in the past, but it never came to anything, so I let it go).

The story: My wife, F, has made a couple very good new female friends over the last 12 mos, call them B and E. This got to the point that these girls would occasionally spend the night with her (non-sexual) when I was out of town (I am only home on wknds bc of work). Also, we all hang out every weekend and go on group dates. I have flirted with B and E in the past, but it was just casual & playful. We even got to the point that the girls all started referring to themselves as my 'wives', and we had a mock marriage ceremony on Halloween. Still, this was all just in good fun.

Now this last weekend, we all went out Friday night like we normally do. At the end of the night, B came home with us. This is also not uncommon. The difference was that she also came to the same bed with us (her idea). You can imagine what happened. This is when I discovered that F is also bi-curious. F & I talked about it the next day, and she told me she found it very exciting.

Okay, so everything was normal with a minor twist. Then we went out Saturday night to a new club, and we both danced with E the whole night. Then E came home with us. We all sat on the couch to watch a movie, and you can fill in the rest. Then we all went to bed (zzzz).

Then on Sunday, E went grocery shopping with us and then came home and we all got into bed to watch a movie. Well...

I don't regret anything that happened. F & I both care very deeply for B & E, and now we are closer to them than ever. We are also very committed to our own relationship.

I am just very scared of hurting F or our friends by trying to do something I might not have the skill for. I am in emotional upheaval over it, and I am away at work (unable to focus, of course) until the wknd.

Are we just swingers, or are we poly, or something else. What would poly lifestyle mean for B & E. How can I ask them about it? I don't know that either of them has ever considered it before, as they both had mono bf's before they met us. Would they be able to face their families? Could we face ours? Can we make them feel truly a part of our most intimate relationship when we have been together 15 years with no one else involved? I think I am beginning to love B & E (I find that deep love takes time), but does that mean we are in LTR with them as a Quad? I am so confused.

I just don't want to hurt our friends, as they mean the world to me and F. I would rather keep them as friends than push them away.
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