Originally Posted by redpepper
You are on the right path I think, you just seem to need some confidence in that... just because she is nice and you enjoy hanging out with her doesn't mean you should compromise what feels comfortable to you. The image of her will change pretty quickly if you compromise as resentment will rear it's ugly head and you will end up hating her. Stay firm and pleasantly adaptable until she brushes up against your boundaries and then, with some assertion remind her where the line is. She will have respect for this and know where she stands with you, as will your partner.
This is a good point for anyone reading -
Sometimes people are passive about their boundaries. They will continue to push until they reach an externally-imposed limit. If they happen to over-step a boundary, they will not notice or not acknowledge unless the person whose boundaries they over-stepped says something.
I don't know if this is what is happening in the OP's situation or not, but this is something that I struggle with. It can be disastrous when the person whose boundaries are over-stepped is shy when it comes to speaking up about it.