Wow, I am amazed at all of your thoughts!
Yes, we'll get testing, I got it...
I didn't sleep for even a minute last night, thinking, crying, thinking reflecting processing over and over and over. I thought many of my issues were gone, but as a mono, I just am not comfortable in the first place so the learning journey is steep (as many here have shared as well).
He did call this morning having fallen asleep last night. I know, I know, he may not be telling me everything and the trust issue is there, so...it sounds like they both were a little uncomfortable and so nothing much happened.
He immediately told me, after hearing that I had not slept, that he wanted to stop (for now, I presume, until we gain our bearings again). This means all poly is on hold until I can get some sleep and meet with our therapist hopefully on my birthday (can't think of a better present to myself).
I have personally processed this issue for a LONG time - several years, though I only became willing a year ago, and we have only been testing the waters for the last year. He is very open to learning, knows he messed up big-time, and our connection has never been better (which is why I was shocked and disturbed that he didn't call, we communicate about all of this often).
You are right that my story is mine. He would have a very different perception. I know that some people are truly poly. I'm not sure he is. I think he has some deep issues regarding abuse from mother, and horrible teasing as a child from being over-weight.
In therapy, we have always addressed my issues with regards to my resistance and need to grow...now it's his turn, and he seems to be willing. He really does not want to lose me. I'm not one to call anyone an addict of anything, however since we haven't unearthed the deeper issues around trust with mother, self-image etc...there is no way to tell. I figure if we can get to the heart of those, we'll find out weather he is seeking love and affection to boost his ego, or weather he is truly poly. I'm happy to finally be in a place where I think we both know he has some work to do. I take it that constant communication, honesty and reflection/processing is what we need in addition to therapy.
This is interesting. People often condemn the poly (amoral, addictions etc...), but in my case I was considered the one with intimacy issues. Fine by me, I've cleaned up a lot of them and now know in my heart that I am worth loving, I've lost some weight, gained tons of confidence and got my sex drive back! So, there have been many gifts in looking at my stuff (there are always gifts in looking inwards)
Anyhow, thanks so much again for your caring words. I am so tired and am not very articulate right now, but thank you from my heart. What an aware community this seems to be.
Oh, we're reading David Deida. Anyone familiar with him? The book is "The Way of the Superior Man" (I hear the snickers, so stop. One of our intentions is to see the highest in one another...and I'm NOT a poly-anna...just trying to manifest that which I want...and if you knew us, you'd see we've come a long, long way.
Last edited by Aria; 12-07-2010 at 09:28 PM.