Breathe and let it happen the way it does
Perhaps your focus should be more on the dynamics of your relationship with your wife when one of you meets someone, and let that slowly sink in and see how adding a person to the mix effects you both. Just because you two chose to learn about and embrace polyamory doesn't mean you each now must find a lover or potential additional partner at the same time! Life doesn't necessarily happen that way. It's not likely to happen without some kind of attempt to force the issue, but if you did both start seeing additional people at the same time, it would be a HUGE change to your current relationship. I think it could be a very good thing that finding someone happens slowly, whoever it happens with first. Why not let it happen when it happens, and if it starts out with just your wife finding another partner, then take the time to absorb the new dynamic. It will affect you. Don't let yourself become frantic about trying to keep up and have the same things at the same time -- it will never be the same anyway, you are two different people just starting to allow a new way of living. It is more likely that if you relax about it, and not worry about competing to get there, you will be more attractive to someone new anyway.
Last edited by nycindie; 12-07-2010 at 04:58 PM.