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Old 12-07-2010, 03:19 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649

Hello, Aria. Welcome to the forum. And happy birthday! Go Sagittarius!

It sounds to me like you've got your head together around all this. Congratulations on that front. Sounds like you're way ahead of the game and your husband is enormously blessed to have you in his life.

That said, I'm seeing some red flags.
Originally Posted by Aria View Post
Our agreements and intentions were very clear, no sex. He called the next day (I didn't know he was with her - he was out of town for work) and they had had unprotected sex.
Gigantic neon-flashing red flag here! Having a clear agreement in place, he violated that agreement and jeopardized his health and potentially his LIFE. WTF!

Originally Posted by Aria View Post
Needless to say, I was very disappointed, scared for my health (he had just met her, didn't know more than a first and last name...) more processing ensued, more clarification and re-commitment of our agreements (which were equally made by him), lots of intense love-making . . .
I hope you meant "lots of intense love-making once the medical tests showed him to be free of STD's and other communicable diseases." But I'm guessing that's not what you meant. Aria, you and your husband need to go for testing right away, unless your husband's new gf can provide copies of a recent report showing a clean bill of health. Do not pussy-foot around this issue, and do not wait. Protect yourself. You have your son to think about.

As for the trust issues, you are 100% correct to have misgivings. Your husband has now repeatedly violated the agreements he made with you, and has exposed your family to the possibility of life-threatening disease. (If the two of you are free of any horrific contagion, it's because y'all dodged a bullet, not because he took steps to keep you safe.) He has violated your trust; your misgivings are completely understandable.

If it were me, he would have to regain my trust by keeping strictly to our agreements. 100%. His "yes" would have to yes, and his "no" would have to be no. Even in the tiny things, to help heal the HUGE wounds. (And just so you know, I have been through a similar valley with my husband, Fidelio, and we came out the other side stronger than ever.)

I suggest you watch his actions carefully, because you can trust what people DO when you can't trust what they say. Actions reveal the heart.

Best of luck to you, SisterWoman, as you make your way through this valley.
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