So what do we do? If she's a cowgirl, do we end this now before things get complicated? My husband(S) loves her and would like her to be part of our lives for 'as long as it lasts'. Perhaps S hopes that with time, we'll all be happy and I'll embrace the baby plan or in fact insist on it myself
) He didnt understand my reservation on this until I told him to imagine me rosy and swollen with someone else's child. He frowned, wrinkled his nose and quickly pronounced that, that was not the same thing... !! He could not imagine it either. So there....
Also, deciding to live together and have kids is abit more complicated in our culture (D and I are Ugandan). S would have to formally declare his intentions to the family ( in a traditional ceremony with dowry) which is actually a marriage. I know.. all sounds over the top but thats how it is here. Any other way is considered disrespect to the woman concerned and to the family as well. So its not just packing up and moving in and all that is abit too much for me to consider. This is why I am more comfortable with the uncomplicated version.
@ Derbylicious: We've been out a couple of times with SO (D) and the kids get along with her pretty well. Without the 'noose' of the future baby plans, she really is a fun person to be around. I've been out with her at pick time from school so integrating her into our family is the least of the problems. I just feel that when we start involving the kids, we the adults should have sorted ourselves out (which we are not).
On further discussion, S admitted to having persuaded D to meet on sunday so the pressure this time came from him. I made it clear that impromptu meetings between them are just not acceptable given that there are others myself and the kids have to be considered.
@ Fidelia: good idea about the joint testing. That should keep everything clean and transparent