Originally Posted by redpepper
end of story.
Yes, that was my thought when this talk about babies came up. However, the baby talk was during the affair time before my husband had told either of us of the poly plan. Their relationship basically had developed up to a point where the next step was getting a house and starting a family. It was only after the affair was in the open that my husband explained to both of us about the poly future with all of us under one roof. Before that,SO had believed that a life with my husband meant we would have to divorce for us which he never promised.
I had a talk with SO and she reassured me again that she is happy for now to enjoy my husband's company and will not focus on the baby talk or move in. She does not have other lovers but goes out with friends when she feels like without expecting my husband to be there 24/7 for her. The agreement htey have is that when she does find someone else, she has to tell my husband before becoming intimate with this person. I find that reduces on the pressure all round because until recently, she felt discarded when we had to go home to our kids and she spent nights alone.
I agree that in terms of her need to have kids, we are definitely not right for each other. We wont hold her back if she finds someone for marriage and kids. The only trouble is, I dont think my husband will ever be ready to give her up if the time comes or if indeed she wants to move on herself. In terms of safety, we are safer with her than going on the 'hunt' for the right one as in our part of the world, HIV/AIDS prevalence rates are scaringly high especially among married couples! Even more scary is that there is now a younger generation of people born with the disease and are not aware of their sero status while unethical doctors have been known to forge negative results upon receiving money.