Originally Posted by naivecurious
Like you, I am very very new to this and have found myself evolving into your position. Is it me, am I misunderstanding something, but I thought time with you was supposed to be around your needs as a pair .... I am probably talking out of turn but to book to have a tattoo of your husband on your wrist whilst with your second lover seems a tad inconsiderate of your needs and your feelings. Well, that is how I would see it but what on earth do I know!! And like you, I wonder how long this hardwork has to go on and if it is really worth it when, like myself, you have already spent half your life working hard at a monogamous relationship!!!
I've not checked in for a few days--so much great stuff on which to comment. In no particular order...
The tattoo: this has become less of a sore spot over the last couple days, maybe because I've not seen her or it in the last couple days.
Some background: When she first told me about it, I shared what I was feeling. She said she really wanted me to be with her, but understood if I was too uncomfortable.
I chose to go and, to be honest, can't say whether or not it was the right choice or even the better of two crappy choices. During and afterward, I felt as if I had little self-respect, dutifully holding her hand while watching his permanence marked upon her skin. But would it have been any better to stay away only to see the end result soon thereafter?
If it was to her somehow ceremonial, as stated, it felt like going to the wedding of a best friend who's marrying someone you just know is going to make her life miserable. In other words, I felt no joy in what should have been a cause for celebration.
I've tried using humor to deal with it ("Uh oh, they mistranslated. That actually spells my name!"), but when all is said and done, I find myself looking away from it, not wanting to even see it. And though I don't like letting anything have that kind of power over me, for the time being, that's how I feel.
Just talking about it now, I feel this wellspring of negative emotions bubbling over. Looks like I've got more work to do (not that it comes as any surprise).