end of story.
she is being selfish and not practicing good poly ethics if you ask me... where is the empathy in this? There isn't... me me me... that is all I get from this. I don't think this woman is the right fit for your family and I don't think you all are a good fit for her either. She seems to need a man that will be okay with her having lovers, but is dedicated to having kids and being there 24/7. There is nothing wrong with that, but your man is not the one who can fulfill that.
She already had the "baby chat" with him and the "moving in chat" after a REALLY short time. She has other plans for his life and she has made that clear... good for her for communicating, but the plans are not going to work out with him.
The only way I can see this working is if your husband becomes a tersiary or a partner that is an addition to another that fills her needs... therefore, being available during your family time would not be on the table at all and she would have to go elsewhere for that need to be met.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM