Thanks Fidelia, we have talked and talked ourselves hoarse about our situation mostly about SO feeling left out. My husband says we do more talking than doing things but you are right, we are going to have to set up boundaries. I think the talking is something we have to accept if this is to work.
@Sneacail: these boundaries or restrictions are the reason SO broke it off because she said she needs her freedom to do what she wants. However since this week, she says she is no longer focusing on the babies and is in for the fun now. So now my husband feels like he needs to take care of her and I believe he is afraid he will lose her if he does not pay attention to her needs. But if this taking care of is eating into family time with the kids, I am not willing to accept this.