I have always been pretty good at reaching out and embracing life's little twists and turns. Change is a creative energy that I thrive on. I am deep in the middle of a huge personal change, it is expressed in some way toward engaging in a more open and loving life style (poly.) But there is a pain accompanying this change and it has been felt the most in school and societal boundaries.
Lets for the sake of keeping this post short just say that I am experiencing some major growing pains right now. Day in and day out I have felt expanded through this growth in a positive way. And Dually I have been more and more reliant on consumption of drugs and alcohol to comfort this change. However, I have come to a question that I can't find the right answer to.
Is too much school HOLDING ME back from being the person that I want and desire to be?
Is too much school FORCING ME to let go and become the person that I want and desire to be?
I've always found the most difficult and painful times come when you hold on to a 'perceived' comfort and deny the truth. I don't deny that things are changing, but there is this fear that I may wake up one day in corporate America and say, 'How the F*** did I get here?' or I may wake up one day on a couch and say 'How did I screw up so bad when I was so close?'
"It is a truly wise man who does not play leap frog with a unicorn”