The past 4 months have been an incredibly gut-wrenching, painful journey for me. There are fractures in what I thought was a solid, un-breakable marriage. My sex drive is at an all time low.
I've learned some things though.
I've learned that I have a LOT of work to do on myself. The idea that my husband can love someone else terrifies me to the core. I know where that fear comes from - and the work to overcome that fear is going to be immense - it stems from my early childhood, reinforced by various situations and people right up to and including my husband's actions recently.
I am fascinated by what I am reading on the facebook group. The ideas about non-violent communication, scarcity vs abundance, how to be a wholehearted person, the processes of learning to own your feelings and being responsible for them ... hmmm now that I think about it - its mostly stuff RP posts. It all challenges me to think, to re-evaluate who I am and what I believe.
I keep reading even though it causes me anxiety. I have learned that those things that cause me anxiety are issues I need to work on.
I don't know where we'll go in terms of other relationships... and right now - I don't want a direction. I choose to stay around the poly forums because I find the information here invaluable for my own personal growth.