Just venting really... Recap: on Halloween, Mal and I told Beth and Caleb that we needed a month to have a break, to get ourselves back together and get some space etc, before trying to be friends again. (More backstory is in the links I put up in the first post.) We also told them that, since we'd been initiating a lot of the "trying to be friends," we were going to wait for them to make contact. Over this month, Mal and I have decided that we aren't going to try to be friends. It's really difficult for me - I love Beth, I still have feelings for Beth, but I can't let my life descend into chaos and pain because someone I care about won't make the life choices that they need to make to be safe and happy. I'm absolutely convinced from what we heard and saw during September / October that Caleb will hurt someone again, probably seriously. Beth agrees, she's said so to my face; but she continues to stay with him and support him, and if she's around him or with him everything she says is twisted to keep him happy.
I hate this. I am convinced that Beth has a mentally / emotionally abusive relationship with Caleb. I wanted - want - to help her get out of it. But every time we've tried, she turns around and hurts us and pushes us away. It's even more frustrating that she's the one that initiates "getting away from Caleb"; we never gave her ultimatums, never told her what to do, just supported her when she wanted to leave, and we're the ones that get slammed.
This is the second day since the month is over. We haven't heard from Beth or Caleb yet - not sure if we will. They're still on our fb friends. Beth's on facebook right now, and part of me wants so desperately to message her, to see if she's all right, to try to make up. But I tried that already, multiple times, and she'd make up just to make a complete 180 hours later. I can't do that. It's partly why we decided we needed a break. I need to know that my relationships, even just casual friendships, aren't going to be arbitrarily cut off and then put back together every week or two.
I've read a bit on helping people with abusive relationships, and most of it just comes down to being supportive while not putting yourself in harm's way. In some ways I feel like a selfish coward - couldn't I just put up with a bit of mind games to help someone I really care about? But the thinking part of me knows I can't do this. I'm almost failing multiple classes. I NEVER fail classes - the lowest grade I've EVER received before this semester was a B+, and I'm in my 5th year of college. The drama with Beth and Caleb really messed me up this semester. I love her, I want to make life wonderful and sweet for her, but I have to let her go, or I'm going to self-destruct along with her.
Sorry for the rant.
Feeling rather emotional right now... I think it'll be a long while before I'm really "over" Beth.