Originally Posted by swedel
Thanks for the additional thoughts and advice.
It's almost comical the situations that arise that force me to deal with these feelings. Case in point: I've been really excited to be with her tomorrow night as it's been a few days since we were last together, which turned into a night of struggling through emotions instead of just enjoying each others' company.
I got off the phone with her a bit ago and learned the first thing we'll do tomorrow is go get her first tattoo...of her husband's name (in Japanese characters) on her wrist. That came as a complete surprise.
It just seems that even though she's so in the moment when we're together, there's more often than not some sort of visceral reminder of her husband's presence. In this case, I see the humor in it even though I feel pretty crappy.
Like you, I am very very new to this and have found myself evolving into your position. Is it me, am I misunderstanding something, but I thought time with you was supposed to be around your needs as a pair .... I am probably talking out of turn but to book to have a tattoo of your husband on your wrist whilst with your second lover seems a tad inconsiderate of your needs and your feelings. Well, that is how I would see it but what on earth do I know!! And like you, I wonder how long this hardwork has to go on and if it is really worth it when, like myself, you have already spent half your life working hard at a monogamous relationship!!!