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Old 12-02-2010, 04:15 PM
Raven Raven is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
I really enjoy OKcupid.... I, especially, love the site now that they have added the Explanation field to the questions. Sometimes, yes, no, or maybe just doesn't do it.
I'm liking OK Cupid quite a lot, although I've had mixed success so far - chatted with one person, messaging a poly person (just as potential friends), gave up on chatting with a third person because she never messaged back. Last couple times I was on, no one else was, so I didn't get to chat with anyone... I may just have to get over my shyness and actually message people instead of just chat. I, also, love the explanation field! It really helps, especially with the complex questions, to give a real snapshot of the person's viewpoint. Sometimes the actual answer can be misleading from the person's opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
I think I am similar to you with the procrastination thing.
I think fighting procrastination is a life-long battle... I'm in my 5th year of college, and I've determined that I have become an expert at cramming for assignments and exams, mostly because of all the practice lol. This semester has been really crazy for me, so I'm not getting the results I usually get; but as long as I can pass all my classes, I'm really hoping to graduate in two more semesters. Then I'll get a "break" in the working world for three semesters before going on to grad school. I'm not sure how much I'll be willing to go back to the 60-hr weeks of studying after a nice 9-to-5 job - time will tell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
Regarding counseling for Mal, you should look into sliding scale counseling centers in your area.
I'm not sure - I know there are two hospitals in the area that offer counseling etc, we may eventually look in to that and see what kind of payment options they offer. We've been talking, and he has some kind-of-related results from a school test coming back later this week; we'll probably make more of a decision after that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
Hmm...I guess a good question would be..how does Mal define 'fair' regarding the additional partner (female in this case).
I think from what he said that he would want both of us to be at least romantically involved, even if not at the same pace / intensity. It's a good question to ask.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
being that you are bicurious and not pansexual or even bisexual, I can see how he would have greater concern regarding a male partner.
That's a good point - I hadn't really thought of that in relation to Mal's objection to a male partner. I'm pretty sure that I would enjoy having a female partner, but I can't actually KNOW that until I have experience with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
Yay, biology! ... Not. :P
I actually love biology lol I just hate deadlines and exams It would be awesome if I could just geek out all day with no consequences on whether or not I write things up in time or remember details, but unfortunately grades don't work that way lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Company View Post
I think you may be putting too much thought on the what-ifs.... When you feel like you want a male partner would be the time to talk about that. If Mal is already struggling, talking about what may not come to pass could just aggravate his situation more.
Some agreement and some disagreement here. I do have a tendency to not let go of things - I tend to grab on to an issue and then go over and over and over it until it's resolved. Mal likes resolving things too, but he has a more gradual approach; with him, things work best if we work on an issue for a little bit, then let it drop for a while before picking it up again. It's always good for me to be reminded to not beat something to death before he has a chance to ruminate lol

What we've done with discussion so far is that I've talked to him off and on about it for a couple days, and then I dropped the issue, probably for the next few months. I'll probably start thinking about it again at some point in the future and bring it back up, then repeat process until we're at a point where we really agree. Actually, most of my posting here was after our discussion - writing things down helps me let go of them lol.

That said... I think I should deal with this issue now (i.e. keep talking about it occasionally), as opposed to some point in the future when I think I want a second male partner. A couple reasons. First, I think Mal has enough of an emotional objection to the idea of me with a male partner that if I was discussing this in the context of, "Hey, I really want a male partner," as vs. "I'd like the option to be available if I ever do feel that I want a male partner," the discussion would be a lot more difficult for him. Second, I can see the possibility of me partially jumping the gun if I just waited - and I think this discussion would explode if it was in the context of "Hey, I want X to be my second male partner, let's talk about that."

At the very least, if we keep talking about it on occasion, I know how he's feeling and what the consequences for both of us are likely to be if I did end up with feelings for a second guy. Right now, he's been through a ton of stress in the last few months, and I think he'd fall apart if I told him that I had feelings for another guy. I might not have known that if I hadn't been discussing it with him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Company View Post
Also, were you enjoying your school group? If you were able to attend the meetings more regularly, would that fulfill you as much as other pursuits you could engage in?
I was really enjoying the school group. It's a "freethinkers" club - we basically got together once a week and talked about a different subject, discussing different ideas, definitions, opinions, interpretations, evidence, etc. I really love those kinds of discussions, and there were several people there that I think I could become better friends with.

I'm not sure what you mean by fulfilling me as much as other pursuits... I don't really have any other social pursuits right now, with the exception of OK Cupid, and that's not really a major pursuit right now. I'd like to look around for other groups as well (my mom suggested a book club recently, I might look at that); but everything is kind of on hold until after finals / holidays. School etc is very fulfilling for me, but I've definitely realized that I need social interaction as well.

Thanks again for the comments
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Keira Raven, married to husband Mal, interested in a woman for a triad or vee

(Previously known as Dakota Raven, husband previously known as Adam)
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