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Old 12-02-2010, 12:51 PM
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whatamIdoing whatamIdoing is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: maryland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Sounds like a bit of a rough start and that each man is trying to man up the other. *yawn* That gets totally old for me pretty quick.
yeah I liken it to a dog trying to piss higher on the tree than the other dogs

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
If I were you I would first of all be expressing my need for all of you to get together and talk it all out face to face.
I have asked B to do that. He's not comfortable at this point seeing J at all. We did talk the first night this came up and after that B said he was uncomfortable about J.


Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It doesn't have to be now, but at some point. If I were you I would be letting them both know that this is not an option for you. Its expected at the start of a poly relationship. You might not get your expectation filled right away, but when they see that it really is important.... Sorry, I'm a stickler for that one. Its just not good poly ethics to me under your circumstances to not have metamours meet.
Yeah I know... it's so so early in this relationship for us. We are still hashing out what it's morphing into. I guess part of the problem is that I don't know what I want yet... it's so new to all of us... being POLY was NEVER on the table for us till J came along and captured my attention.. Of course now that I've read more and more I see that our relationships with our swinger friends is bordering on poly relationships....

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Often the competitive stuff stops when someone is right in front of you. The two of them can work on their relationship in terms of setting some boundaries about your time with each of them, what each other says in terms of what is passed on and checking their words before saying them.
Yep I think that would help B's jealousy and fear. Problem is that J is NOT local to us and getting them to agree to meet is an issue. I do not want to push B outside his comfort level. He is after all the partner being presented with this idea and I do need to tread lightly.


Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
The other thing is that YOU get to say who you sleep with on that week. Its not their choice. You are not a pawn. The only thing they get to do us to let you know if you are not spending enough time with them and they feel left out, so that you can discuss with the other and adjust your time schedule. Really, to me a large part of how poly works is to be considerate of each other. Especially metamours.
Yes I can see that. B is much more needy than J so I can see him needing me more than J and that works out just fine in day to day living as I'm with B and we are 2 hours away from J

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I am wondering how much reading you have done beyond your thread. A lot of all this has been written on and could be useful. I suggest doing a search in the tags for "metamour" and anything else that you think could be relevant. Maybe it would help. "poly lessons learned" is a good thread in the stickies that might help also.
Thanks, I have been reading. I have severe ADHD so I have to read in small doses and I have to read it over and over again. I'm also in the process of getting some books... However I do want to thank everyone for their input as it helps me tremendously, especially you Redpepper!
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