I was asked recently how it's going in our house and for some details... so I thought I would sit and write a bit about what our routine used to be and what has changed since Mono moved in.
We used to spend larger chunks of time together and I was most definitely leading a separate life when I went to my OH. Now that has changed a bit in that we are more merged together and although we likely spend more time together, he and I and all other configurations also, the time is not as much quality. I miss that. When I went to my OH it was all about me and Mono doted on me hand and foot because he missed me and I wasn't around for large chunks of time. Granted, we were in our NRE, but really, now I don't get the same type of attention.
Geez! It sounds like I am complaining. I'm not, it's just different. Now I do something in my room and then come out and we talk a bit. Then I make tea while Mono does something on the computer and we will snuggle on the couch for a bit before I get up to have a shower... that is kind of how our time goes... before we spent ever second together and forgoed the computer or shower in order to be by each others side every second. We did those things together more.
Now I hear the rest of my family up stairs and although it doesn't interrupt our time together in any way that is private, I know they are there and they are in my mind. Before I would not give them thought after having been at the OH for couple of hours. When I first started going to the OH I thought about them; only because I didn't trust that everything was okay. I asked myself; can PN handle my being absent, is really okay with me not being there, what if something happens. Gradually I began to trust that it was fine and that he would call or tell me in person if there were issues. I got mad at him several times for not calling in emergencies, but he handles everything just fine and in his own way. I had to give up trying to control things by making sure he did stuff my way... now that I hear them upstairs I realize how little they were impacted compared to my fear... life went on as usual and I was the one that was changing and experiencing, not them. PN experienced loneliness at first and LB adjusted to the change of my being gone at times, but that ended at some point. To them it was like I had a different job that meant I worked shifts. To me, my whole take on reality changed.
Mono doesn't eat with us as much, but will come up for a chat and a check in before LB goes to bed more often. He talks to PN far more often and the two of them have plans now, where as they didn't really before... they are painting PN's room on the Christmas vacation for example. I think the two of them are more settled with each other now.
My relationship with PN has gotten better and closer on a daily basis and in an over all way. We were having huge roller coasters of emotions before where he felt disconnected and I didn't get why. He hasn't mentioned that once since Mono has moved in. He is over all happier... it's hard to say if that is because of the change in our living situation, or other things in life.
LB is loving Mono more than ever and is definitely the one gaining the most from this new situation. He has a buddy at all times and Mono has been a HUGE help so far in helping us raise him... picking him up in a snow storm in my dad's new vehicle, looking after him when we are sick, giving him some time everyday has helped them bond and connect. LB is in heaven. He adores Mono more everyday. Mono has been a huge positive influence in his life. It's most definitely been the biggest plus in our poly life. Mostly because Mono rose to the occasion and took on the responsibility of including him in our dynamic, rather than trying to avoid him and not give him the respect that he deserves as much as we all do.
So, all in all, the adjustment for me has been bitter sweet. I miss my OH being more private, I love my room and the closeness of my family, I miss our long bits of time together, but I love the good night kisses at the door... I am going to get me one right now actually
its all good really, just a change. Living together or not has it's pluses and minuses which ever way you look at it.