Thread: Anatomy
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Old 12-02-2010, 02:54 AM
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So my septagon is now a pentagon. I'm very. . .disturbed. It's hard to pinpoint emotion at this particular time. I'm definitely disappointed, possibly betrayed. "There is no time for pain, no energy for anger. The sightlessness of hatred slips away." Still, I put my trust in two people, formed an attachment with them and told them what it meant to me, that I was afraid of the leap and of losing them if I chose to try and hold on.

I keep thinking in my head,
"I fucking warned you."

Vegeta's primary, Ariel, has been more and more terse with me lately. Incredibly overprotective with Vegeta, shutting me out of her life. I've tried respecting her wishes even to the point where I've upset other people including Vegeta to placate Ariel.

Today Ariel decided that despite it being her idea to draw me and everyone else into this relationship, she can't handle the demand placed on her by everyone else and needs to be with just Vegeta.

This would be upsetting, but acceptable, if she hadn't told me she felt (and acknowledged that it is irrational) her relationship with Vegeta is threatened by me even if we weren't in this polyamorous relationship.

To be concise (and cut out the maliciousness that's snaking through me), having any kind of relationship between Vegeta and anyone, especially me, is clearly a problem for Ariel. It's driving me crazy. It's driving me crazy.

Vegeta made it clear that she wants to do the right thing for her relationship with Ariel and take a step back for a while, even if it will hurt her to pull away from everyone else. Again if any of this meant what it would at face value, I would applaud her decision to focus on her primary relationship, and hope that I could support her as a friend and have a functioning relationship with both of them even if it took time and effort.

It looks much more likely to me, knowing the intricacies of the insecurities and passive aggressiveness hanging low in the air, that any connection I have with either of them will just evaporate. If nothing else, it's the helplessness and dislocation that has me furious.

Even in spite of every tiny little speed bump Ariel and I have hit, how can she not see that I love and respect her? Does she not have any consideration for what the bond between Vegeta and I means to us both? Is having a relationship with me, my wife, or any of our other three polyfuckers not worth fighting for?

She won't answer me. She can't. She doesn't know how to. And Vegeta, bless her heart, is too damn loyal (in a strange and deceitful sense of the word) to Ariel to tell me how she really feels in front of her.

But Ariel wants me to believe that Vegeta doesn't want this relationship for the same reason.

Ariel wants to believe that Vegeta doesn't want this relationship for the same reason:

She wants undeniable and exclusive access to Vegeta's heart.

I still have people who love me and care about me, one of them a beautiful wife who especially lately, has done so much to improve our relationship in spite of the hardship we're facing.

Vegeta just lost her father, and now at least in one important way she's losing us. Ariel is trying to separate Vegeta, even if only because she loves her. Somehow I just know they're going to strangle each other to death.
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