Thanks for the additional thoughts and advice.
It's almost comical the situations that arise that force me to deal with these feelings. Case in point: I've been really excited to be with her tomorrow night as it's been a few days since we were last together, which turned into a night of struggling through emotions instead of just enjoying each others' company.
I got off the phone with her a bit ago and learned the first thing we'll do tomorrow is go get her first tattoo...of her husband's name (in Japanese characters) on her wrist. That came as a complete surprise.
It just seems that even though she's so in the moment when we're together, there's more often than not some sort of visceral reminder of her husband's presence. In this case, I see the humor in it even though I feel pretty crappy.