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Old 12-01-2010, 09:44 PM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 50
Default The Wastelands Between Good Times

For lack of more imaginative language, I'm frustrated as hell. There are a couple problems within my relationship which unfortunately have not been solved due to what Selene lovingly refers to as "life happening". I suppose so, but let me elaborate.

Just before Ariel's two younger brothers came to stay with us for Thanksgiving, I (and every other metamour, from what I hear from them) had a problem with both Ariel and Vegeta. See, they're the kind of couple who want to be around one another a hundred percent of the time. This is an admirable quality, but one that I'm finding lately to be constricting to their metamours. I get quite a bit of time with Ariel, and almost none with Vegeta. Don't get me wrong, I see them and spend time with both of them quite a bit since we live together. What I mean by "time together" is one-on-one alone time where I can further establish my relationship with someone. I don't get this with Vegeta, and I'm not the only one. I haven't said anything to either of them because I've seen Ariel's response to Company wanting time alone with Vegeta. Generally, it's not pleasant. Honestly, I don't want to ask in front of Ariel, anyway. I believe that what is between me and one person is private, unless both of us want it otherwise. If I asked Vegeta for alone time and Ariel answered me, I wouldn't like it at all. I don't answer for Company when one of his metamours asks for something, I don't get into it at all. It's not my relationship and not my place. It's my opinion that a person is responsible for prioritizing themselves and their lives, and that includes meeting the needs of their primary. If they don't, it's something that person needs to deal with... no one else can help you prioritize, because you either learn how to do it, or you don't. Ariel has insecurities that people want Vegeta more than they want her, but when no one is allowed to spend time with Vegeta, of course you hear about Vegeta more. If it were the other way, you would hear about more people wanting to spend time with Ariel, now wouldn't you? I certainly would have the same problem as I do now if the situation were reversed for them.

The bottom line is that my needs as Vegeta's girlfriend are not being met. If she doesn't want to meet those needs, it's a talk we should have together about the future, if any, of our relationship. A talk which does not at any point include Ariel being present. I love her, and I love her a lot, but I don't want her in the middle of my other relationships. That would go for anyone else who tried to do that.

I would have talked with both of them about this problem, but I didn't think it was appropriate with Ariel's brothers around. I don't know if she told them that we're poly, but she said she was uncomfortable with showing affection while they were there. I tried not to let myself feel like I wasn't in a relationship with Ariel; physical contact is a big deal to me when I'm with someone. It affirms a lot better than words.

Then, Vegeta's father passed away. It's extremely rough on Vegeta, and it makes me further want to postpone talking about these things with her to let her have her time. It looks like Ariel keeps trying to watch what everyone's saying and talking about so that Vegeta doesn't cry more about her dad, but I think it's good for her to cry. I think she just needs to get it out and do what she needs to do. I don't know how to console her at all because I've never lost a parent, and I'm not all that sure I would be so sad about it.

This whole situation with the two of them is a big problem for poor Company, too. After Company and I had our last huge fight, in which some violence was involved (we're working on it...), his relationships with them was put on hiatus. He's trying to make it up to them, trying to fix things, but Ariel has put the lock-down on both herself and Vegeta. Any little things he tries are responded to with passive-aggressive attitude and "You don't get to do that because you have to earn back the trust you lost." How is that in any way helpful? It's just like the goddamn credit conundrum you run into when you're young. You need to credit to get credit-- well fuck, how do you get it in the first place? Nobody knows. Oh wait, you go into debt with a credit card.... Great. I don't know what the credit card is going to be an analogy for, or the debt, but I really don't want to find out. Company's extremely unhappy about it all.

The only good that's come out of it is that he's taking my advice and letting it lie for now. There's nothing he can do because for the most part, they won't let him. So now he's focusing more on his relationship with Selene, and it seems to be going very well.

Soon, I'm going to bring up my problems to Vegeta and to Ariel. Her brothers leave today, but I still want to give Vegeta time to grieve. Hopefully I can time it right and get everything solved without intruding on that.
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"Love as thou wilt."

Company is my husband. I'm dating Selene, Ariel, Vegeta, Thunder, and Andulvar.
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