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Old 12-01-2010, 05:24 PM
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whatamIdoing whatamIdoing is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: maryland
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Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
bigtime squeezy hugs...

perhaps some boundaries where you have the option to explore the emotional side of things...
not sure how to explore this alone to be honest. I know B and I are talking and trying to figure it out... but what about J... does he have a right to be part of this learning process???

Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
B might be red flagging because he can sense that its not just NSA anymore... He feels threatened and - as you are not sure yourself what is going on - he has every right to... Sort things out with B, be as honest as you can - then be more honest (trust me I am in this spot myself right now and damn is it painful)...
yeah that's it. BINGO! sadly you WIN the prize... <insert nervous laugh here> I was the one who brought up to B that it seemed to be changing from NSA to something more like a relationship and that I really didn't know where it was going but i needed to find out... I did assure him that i would never leave him for J. (and that I know for a fact is a hard and fast feeling that will not change)

But I do need to play this out for multiple reasons. B swears it's J that he does not like, not the idea of my having another man in my life... but since this is the first time I've done this, I sort of think it's more than that... and B to his credit is letting me run with this and desperately trying to trust my judgment.

Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
If things with J are meant to be... he'll be there when you and B are sorted (not suggesting you stop contact - but) very firm boundaries for now - give a time period if you need - but B needs you to put him first for a bit, and he needs you to know what you're doing, and so do you...
thankfully we have the entire month of December as a natural boundary... we have no contact planned till 1/8/11....

I really sadly don't see me figuring this out till after that however...

Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
J might not care what B is feeling but, he should care what you are feeling and its not ok for him to ignore the stress he is putting you through...
I think he does care to some extent.. I think his comment might have been more along the thought of "i don't care what B feels about me since I'm not having a relationship with him I'm having one with you".... that was what I got from it... Basically "yeah B exists and he's your husband but he's not MY husband and not my boyfriend and therefore his feelings do not impact my feelings..." BUT THEY DO... because if HE feels bad and he needs me to stop with you... dude I will do that... how's THAT for impact????

When B in our last big talk said.. "choose...I know who you'll choose" and I said "ok I choose you... now we are done with the lifestyle and this whole mess" and I meant it I would have totally walked away from all of it... and B said "no that's not what I want I just don't want you with HIM".... deep sigh...

Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
tell him to give you time/space whatever you need to sort things out with B... if he ignores your need to do that... I doubt he is going to understand that B will always be there, and will always be a priority in your mind...
he gives me plenty of time and space... truly... without my even asking... it's part of what makes him so perfect for what I need in my life... he's busy he has his own life... he does not NEED me.... it's good... and totally opposite of B... HE NEEDS me....

Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
I think that makes sense... :P
it does and your HELPING A LOT!

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