Originally Posted by Danny40179
YIKES!!! Not cool of J to say that he doesn't care about Bs feelings. I'm in a triad and I don't have much experience with a V relationship, but I'm pretty sure that feelings like those aren't going to make for a healthy relationship. For anyone.
You were right on the money to put J in his place, but was that enough? Does J think that eventually you'll leave B to be with him? Unfortunately when someone makes a statement like "I don't care..." that leads me to believe that maybe they're not really poly at all. I don't know enough about them to really say that, but just an observation.
Keep talking to both of them about what's going on. Fact is that it affects EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs to be in the loop, regardless of whether they want to hear about it or not. This is brand new and like any new relationship needs a lot of attention at the start.
that J will want me to leave him eventually... I never see J as that type of relationship... J has too many issues to be more than a pleasant and fun diversion from real life... and that's what say J SAID in the beginning that it was just NSA sex... so I had no concerns that would be an issue... but sometimes in passing J will say things that set my flags waving.... in ONE breath he will say something along the lines of "it's just fun and games" and in the next breath he's giving me reasons (not related to the fact that I'm happily MARRIED why we could never be serious (distance was raised).
I don't need REASONS why we will never be a primary couple... I can see my dalliance with him being long term.. and semi regularly (maybe monthly or bi-monthly visits but not more regular than that) but in the back of my mind after he said he didn't care how B felt, I got a niggling thought that maybe just maybe B's radar was right and J deep down inside thinks that this might just might be something else... UGH... first time I've put that in writing... off to have a panic attack!