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Old 12-01-2010, 02:01 PM
TheAudGirlOut TheAudGirlOut is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 7

I agree with the above, poly friends or at least poly accepting folks aren't easy to find, we got lucky in finding a few straight away that were interested enough to approach us, she was better then the others in my opinion because the first was just into the sex of it, the 2nd was just odd and gave us weird feelings and then there came the 3rd. She was (I could say is) really into the idea and wanted to learn more about it, it was her first go around with it too, so that was nice and made things more comfy.
She also gets more points from me for being able to say "Hey, I'm not feeling how we all wanted to feel and you guys deserve to know that."
Maybe as time goes on we'll really work on the friendship side, which is to me the most important part and just forget about the poly side and enjoy what we have to share versus putting any unnecessary pressure on the situation.

I'm like a lot of you, I hate the rules and rigidness of what it is right now, that's another topic in our lives these days.
The fact that we both agreed to one way and now in the thick of it once it all gets rolling, I realize it's not feeling right to me, he's not ready to let go of what was agreed to and feels sort of like I'm trying to pressure him into something that he doesn't want to do. Which is hurtful because that's not my intentions, I'm a free spirited, love everyone kinda girl, not a controlling bully.
But these days I'm feeling tragically more angry because I can see what I'd like to try, and can't because of this said agreement, and that's frustrating because you can't honestly say how you will feel or what will work until you try it out, we all have an ideal, then we have reality. My entire life is different then what I thought it would be, it's better because I let go and tried new things left and right, if I had stayed on the path I thought was best for me and didn't let new ideas in and control go, then I wouldn't be here with him, with our daughter, in this state. I'm glad I exhaled and let life take me where I should be and let me find him, have her and be here. Most days :P
I will take responsibility for the fact that I am frustrated and yes at some point that shows, at some point I break after living a way someone else feels more comfortable with, who wouldn't?
I'm trying pretty hard to get everyone to a point of complete happiness, I dunno if the way I see things for me will work for him though, so a lot of soul searching is needed on both parts. I need to stop feeling guilty for how I personally feel.

Any how, thanks for reading.
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